When I first wrote this article a few years ago, I compared the body to a machine. You put the right fuel in, you maintain it properly, and hopefully everything keeps ticking along nicely.
These days, I think I’d compare it to a plant. Not because I’m trying to be poetic, but because it’s true.
If you’ve ever forgotten to water a houseplant for a week, you’ll know exactly what happens. The leaves start to droop, the colour fades, and before long, it starts looking a little sorry for itself. Give it a drink, move it somewhere sunny, and more often than not it’ll perk right back up again. Like, same?
And yet somehow, we expect ourselves to function perfectly on four hours of sleep, three cups of coffee, no water, and a to-do list that would overwhelm a small army. The older I get, the more I realise that self-care isn’t really about treating ourselves at all. It’s about consistently giving ourselves the things we need to grow.
Sunlight, water, food, rest, movement.
And perhaps most importantly, a little kindness.
1. sunlight, fresh air, and movement
Let’s start with sunlight because, much like the plants in my garden, I get a bit miserable when I haven’t seen enough of it.
Fresh air and sunlight can make a bigger difference than we often give them credit for. Getting outside exposes us to natural light, which helps our bodies produce vitamin D. Vitamin D plays an important role in everything from immune function to bone health, and low levels have also been linked to low mood and fatigue.
I know I notice a huge difference in myself during the darker months of the year. By the end of winter, I find myself craving sunshine in the same way I crave a proper meal when I’ve forgotten to eat lunch.
Even twenty minutes spent outdoors can help you feel more awake, more energised, and a little more connected to the world around you. It’s not a cure for everything, of course, but there’s a reason so many of us feel better after a walk in the fresh air. The fresh air clears my head, and sunlight improves my mood. And movement helps undo some of the damage caused by spending most of my day folded over a laptop like a disgruntled prawn.
Perhaps it’s because we’re not meant to spend all day indoors under artificial lighting, staring at screens….
Much like the plants on my windowsill, we seem to do better when we get a little sunshine.
2. giving your body what it needs
Food is probably the area where my outlook has changed the most over the years. I don’t really think in terms of “good” foods and “bad” foods anymore. Sometimes, a massive bowl of pasta after a terrible day is exactly what I need. Sometimes it’s takeaway pizza on a Friday night. Maybe it’s ice cream on a sunny afternoon, or it’s a glass of wine the size of my head with friends around a kitchen table.
Food isn’t just fuel. It’s comfort, celebration, culture, memories. I think it’s important that we leave room for all of that.
At the same time, I know that if I spend several days surviving on convenience foods and caffeine, I don’t feel my best. Long-term, our bodies need a variety of nutrients to function properly.
Protein helps support our muscles and hormones. Fruit and vegetables provide vitamins, minerals, and fibre. Healthy unsaturated fats support brain and heart health. Carbohydrates provide energy.
The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is balance.
If I’ve had a particularly indulgent evening, I don’t wake up the next morning feeling guilty. I just know that I’ll probably feel better after a breakfast with a bit more substance. I try to take a little more time and care preparing my breakfast as an act of kindness to myself. I’ll make eggs on toast, Greek yoghurt and fruit, and porridge with nuts and berries. Something tasty that will actually keep me going until lunch. And it’s not because I’m trying to undo anything from the night before, but because that’s what my body needs.
A plant doesn’t thrive because you remembered to water it once. It thrives because you consistently give it what it needs.
3. don’t forget to water yourself
This is the section where I have absolutely no business giving advice because I am terrible at drinking water.
Water plays a role in almost every function in the body. It helps regulate body temperature, supports digestion, transports nutrients, and keeps everything working as it should. The general recommendation is around eight glasses, or roughly two litres, per day, although that varies depending on your size, activity levels, and the climate you live in.
If you’re breastfeeding, you’ll need considerably more. I don’t think I’ve ever been as thirsty in my life as I was while breastfeeding. I bought one of those giant Stanley-style cups with a straw and carried it absolutely everywhere. It became my emotional support water bottle. To this day, I drink significantly more water if there’s a straw involved. I have no idea whether there’s any science behind this or whether I’ve simply tricked myself into thinking water is more exciting when consumed through a straw, but either way, it works.
So, if you’re someone who struggles with hydration, perhaps that’s the takeaway from this section: buy the giant cup and make sure it comes with a straw.
4. even flowers don’t bloom all year round
After surviving the newborn stage, I don’t think I’ll ever take a good night’s sleep for granted again. Before becoming a parent, I was never a particularly good sleeper. I regularly woke three or four times during the night. Then I had a baby and discovered that sleep deprivation can somehow become even more impressive.
Sleep affects everything: our mood, our concentration, our memory, our ability to regulate emotions, and even our physical health. Pretty much everything works better when we’re well rested.
For me, the biggest thing is consistency. I try to go to bed around the same time every evening and get up around the same time every morning. Of course, that sounds lovely in theory. In reality, there’s a toddler involved. Bedtimes occasionally get delayed. Someone wakes up at 5 am and decides it’s morning. Someone else loses a teddy. Sometimes there’s teething. Sometimes there’s a mystery illness. Life happens.
Still, I find that maintaining some sort of routine makes a huge difference. Once dinner is finished, lunches are prepared, the kitchen is closed, and the skincare routine is done, I start winding down for the evening. The pyjamas go on, and the phone goes onto Do Not Disturb. A mug of chamomile tea is brewed, and my book comes out. It’s one of my favourite parts of the day.
Research has shown that the blue light emitted by screens can delay the release of melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate sleep. I’ve definitely noticed a difference when I put my phone away at least an hour before bed. I also try not to look at it first thing in the morning.
Instead, I wake up to birdsong from my sunrise alarm clock, which gently lights up before the alarm goes off. Completely unnecessary during an Irish summer when it’s bright at 5 am, of course… but absolutely life-changing during dreary winters.
5. talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend
This is probably the hardest one. Most of us would never dream of speaking to our friends the way we speak to ourselves. We’d never tell them they’re stupid for making a mistake. We’d never criticise them for struggling with a new skill. And we’d certainly never point out every flaw in their appearance.
Yet many of us do exactly that to ourselves every single day.
Becoming a mother made me much more aware of this. I’ve always been very hard on myself. If I weren’t immediately good at something, I’d become frustrated. If I made a mistake, I’d dwell on it for far longer than necessary. And like many women, I spent years making casual negative comments about my appearance without really thinking about it.
Then I had a daughter.
And suddenly I found myself wondering whether those comments might eventually become her inner voice too. I don’t want that for her. So I’m trying not to do it to myself either. But that doesn’t mean forcing positivity all the time because I just don’t think that’s realistic. We all have days when we’re not happy with our skin or wouldn’t mind if the bags under our eyes went on a long holiday. But I do think neutrality is achievable.
I can appreciate my body for what it does rather than focusing entirely on how it looks. I can remind myself that learning takes time, and I can accept that I’m allowed to be a beginner.
We should try to give ourselves the same patience and encouragement that we’d give to someone we love.
6. protect your peace
I think this is something that many of us get better at as we get older. At least I hope so.
There was a time when I felt guilty for saying no to plans. Now, if I’ve had a particularly busy week and all I want to do is spend Saturday in the garden with a book and a cup of tea, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Rest is productive too, and you don’t need to earn it. You don’t need permission for it. And you certainly don’t need to feel guilty for protecting your own wellbeing.
Sometimes self-care looks like saying yes. Sometimes it looks like saying no. But learning the difference is half the battle.
7. write it down
One thing that hasn’t changed since I wrote the original version of this article is my love of writing things down. Journaling gives us somewhere to untangle our thoughts and feelings, but it also creates a record that we can look back on later. Patterns start to emerge. You might notice that you’re feeling more anxious than usual or that you’ve been sleeping badly for weeks. You might spot habits that are helping or hindering your mental health.
I’m also completely obsessed with lists: to-do lists, shopping lists, meal plans, brain dumps… if it’s floating around in my head, chances are I’m writing it down somewhere.
When I feel particularly anxious, I’ll write my to-do list for the next day before I go to bed because otherwise I’ll spend half the night mentally rehearsing everything I need to remember. Getting it onto paper creates space in my mind for other things.
And these days, I think that’s what self-care really is. Not bubble baths or face masks, (although they’re lovely too), but creating the conditions that allow you to grow.
Just like any plant would.